The Reason You Can't Sell Spirituality Is Because No One Wants It

“I like your style and spiritual perspectives”
 

“You made me realise I can be spiritual + do business together”

 

My eyes hurt. I rolled them so far back up into my head I’m going to need to lie down.

 

These words were coming out of my clients mouths... and yep, they just mentioned the S word.

 

I have a beef with the S word.
 

To try and dull the ache from my eye-rolling, I crack that fine ass $80 bottle of whisky and neck it faster than you can say "but wait, drinking makes you not spiritual no more."

 

And just for trying to guilt trip me into believing that’s true, I light up a joint while I’m drinking the whisky.

 

I’m a total hypocrite though.

 

I used to be the one spinning spiritual shit out to the world.

 

Let me cast your mind back to 2012.

 

What a time to be alive. Spirituality was the new buzzword for bloggers, and hot damn did I jump on the bandwagon.

 

Of course it wasn’t just because it was the quick, dirty and easy thing to write about.

 

It was because I was smack bang in the middle of being the biggest spiritual wanker in the history of the world.

 

I was on the path to awakening, consciousness, freedom <insert those buzzwords that never sell right here>.

 

I’m already bored of this story. But there’s a point.

 

I was totally judgemental of every other human being for not being me, and for not like vibrating at the frequency I was. 

 

You guys are like literally below me. I feel so sorry for you. Freaking loser. If only you saw my way. Hey, let me write an article about why you MUST meditate.
 
And coffee? Holy fuck you better quit that immediately or else you’ll NEVER be spiritual.
 
And like being spiritual is the greatest thing in the world. Because I’m like soooooo happy all the time. And like you should be too.
 

Finally, I woke up from my really douchey dream.

 

Think of it as ‘reversal’ a-ha moment. 

 
Great work on being a Spiritual Queen Liz, but it’s made you stop living.
 

 

When was the last time you stayed out past 9pm to jump in the car for a road trip to 24 hour Kmart with your bestie because you had to get up at 5 for sunrise meditation?

 

When was the last time you stayed at the party, had that extra drink and laughed til your cheeks were sore. I’m sorry, but talking about spirituality with like minded people is NOT the same and hearing the story of the time your best friends were so fucked they thought the sound guys at the festival were the best band on. 

 

When was the last time you stayed over a your brothers house watching all the New Girl episodes, crashing on the couch, waking up and eating toast for breakfast instead of your whole apple cider vinegar in warm water routine?

 

I stopped living.

 

And that was enough for me to say: Fuck you spirituality. You freaking jerk. You tricked me with all your rules and regulations, promising me that only when I did XYZ would I be spiritual and look what you gave me? 

 

NOTHING BUT APPLE CIDER VINEGAR.  
NO. LIFE.

 

It wasn’t until I went to my kinesiologist. Yep, I see her every 6 weeks (oh but wait... that's so spiritual of you...)

 

I sat down and said: I hate this.

 

She agreed.

 

Spirituality is freaking useless unless it helps you actually live this human experience you’ve got right now. 
 

And as spirituality is being perpetuated, at least in my world, there's rules, regulations and a list as long as my legs (yep, I got legs for days) filled with must-do's and don't-you-dare. 

 

Spirituality created a religion I had to follow in order to be one of them. Ya know, spirituality enlightened.

 

Instead, spirituality created misery.

 

I opted out. Unsubscribed from spirituality. 

 

And ya know what happened? Nothing except I gave myself my humanity back.

 

I gave myself being Elizabeth McKenzie.

 

And what happened to all that good girl spiritual work I did? Nothing. It was there. Part of who I was. But not the thing I had to shove down people’s throats, or try and convince them.

 

I still meditate, I still work with energy, I still reiki.

 

But just like I don’t share every shit I take with you, I don’t do that with spirituality.

 

It sneaks in, sure. But it makes me, me. It runs in the background as I go about living. 

 

So, the point of all this: 

 

If you want to be a spiritual coach or mentor, then tell me, what’s so damn good about being spiritual?
 

Because sleeping better isn’t worth it if you can’t actually do anything with your life past 9.

 

Because quitting coffee to clear my channel means jack when I love the smell and aroma of coffee and I actually don’t want to give it up.

 

Because green smoothies taste like the way they look: swap water and I just want to drink plain old water from the tap and get on with booking that gig that’s going to keep me up late at night.

 

Because the reason you can’t sell spirituality is because people want to live. Not become a shell of a human.
 
Show them how spirituality is the key to living in the real world and they will gladly follow, with cash.
 
Show them more than just routines, and regulations, and rules and they will love every word that comes out of your mouth, and show you, with cash.