Elizabeth sits at her desk. Her coffee has coconut milk in it and she's so delighted she’s got the perfect smug-smile on her face as she sips it.
She's wears her activewear because she just smashed a workout like she’s a superhero or something. She’s sweaty, has no make up on, and her menagerie of dogs are snoozing in her office which means it’s time to get on the phone and speak to her client, Ms Business Owner.
Elizabeth: So, tell me what you’ve done with your current list to tell them about your coaching packages?
Ms Business Owner: Nothing. I haven’t emailed them in a while, so I don’t want to email them with my services.
Elizabeth: Why not?
Ms Business Owner: I hate getting sales emails so I don’t want to do it myself.
Elizabeth internally rages.
Elizabeth: OMG you have a list and you’re not selling let alone emailing to said list?
Pauses. Thinks about it.
Elizabeth: I can’t blame you.
Ms Business Owner: It’s just, I’ve been in the business world for so long, I get so many sales emails and most of them a sleazy AF. They pretty much tell me that if I don’t sign up to whatever they’re selling then I’m a loser business owner who’ll always fail. It’s so gross.
Elizabeth: It’s so gross.
Meanwhile, across town Mr. McDouchey Internet Marketer is getting ready to hit send on another sales email.
Mr. McDouchey Internet Marketer (to himself ): Muahahahaha. This email is going to make everyone who reads it feel so bad about themselves they’ll buy my product. They’ll have so much FOMO they’ll buy it immediately. Even if they can’t afford it, I’ll use my evil powers to make them use the money they don’t. Once the transaction is done, I’ll assign them a number and forget all about them. My plan is flawless. Muahahahahahaha.
Meanwhile, back on the call with Ms. Business Owner + Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: Listen love, you not sending emails isn’t going to stop that evil Mr. McDouchey Internet Marketer. All it’s stopping is you getting new clients which means it’s stopping you from getting paid. And I’m not okay with that.
Ms. Business Owner: It’s true. I haven’t had a new client since I stopped emailing my list. What’re we going to do?
Elizabeth: Sit tight. I’ve got a plan.
Elizabeth gets up and heads into her room, coming out moments later wearing a Harry Potter costume with an envelope image sewn on.
It’s Email Girl to the rescue.
Email Girl: Ms. Business Owner, I hear the evil Mr. McDouchey Internet Marketer is mind controlling you, stopping you from sending out your very fun, entertaining + engaging emails that sell.
Ms. Business Owner: Email Girl! Thank God you’re here. It’s true. I don’t know what to do.
Email Girl: I’ve got just the thing for you….
To be continued….